I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
