i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
