She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
