this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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