he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
