you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
