just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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