Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
