Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
