You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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