You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
