i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
