Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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