i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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