that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
