I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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