So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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