i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
