I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
