Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
