I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
