Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
