i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
