so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
