I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
