I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's rum buckets o'clock
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
