I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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