I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
