I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
