Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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