I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
