if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
