So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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