did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
