i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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