Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
