I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
