yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
