I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
