The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my poor anus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
