Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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