i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
