He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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