You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
