I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
