oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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