I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
