You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
