You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
