I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
