It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
