I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
