I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
