He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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