"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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