His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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