My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
